By Ashley Wang | Advice Column |
The Pasquinade deeply sympathizes with any students struggling with chronic laughter, especially during teachers’ technological mishaps. To help teens stifle their instinct to laugh, chuckle, smirk, or smize on camera, we’ve devised 5 ingenious tips that are almost 50% likely to work.
1. Just wear a mask.
At this point, we’re all aware that it’s impossible to tell what someone is thinking under a mask. If you’re giggling, keep your exhales light so that the mask doesn’t move with your breath, and people will assume from your eyes that you’re just smiling. If anyone asks about the mask, tell them your pesky neighbor visits every day to ask for food scraps for their compost.
2. Tell your teacher that your pet’s tickling you under the desk.
If you’re following this tip, make sure you’re prepared to lie in case the teacher starts an interrogation. If they ask you to hold your cat or dog up, concoct a lie about the pet being ill and too physically weak to lift; any annoyance from your teacher will immediately be replaced with sympathy.
3. Tell your teacher that their class just brings you irrepressible joy.
Your teacher is bound to believe this statement as long as you express sincerity. Make a heart with your hands, or give a wide, dazzling smile that shows all your teeth—and maybe a little bit of your gums. Hopefully they'll be too creeped out to question you further.
4. Make everyone else in your class laugh to make sure you don’t stand out.
Send a meme to the class group chat, or “accidentally” unmute yourself and blast a distorted TikTok audio. It might not be funny, but even if out of secondhand embarrassment, your peers will express amusement at your antics and save you from targeted scorn.
5. Pull an Uno reverse card on your teacher and ask why they’re not laughing. After all, don’t we all need a little more cheer during quarantine?
Self-explanatory. Your teacher won’t be able to argue with this sound logic.