A Guide To Popularity at MHS

By Anusha Veluri | MHS News |

Like any other high school, MHS is prone to hierarchies. When certain students walk by, you can't help but look at them with admiration, and it seems as if they are gliding through the air in slow motion. Although popularity is often seen as trivial, we at The Pasquinade believe it is actually the most valuable part of life! What is your happiness worth if you're not even popular?! Nothing. If you are unhappy with your current status, we are here to help you. Here are a few easy, breezy steps that guarantee an increase in popularity.

Step 1: Be Rich

If you want to be popular in Millburn, you need to have something to offer. If on any given night, you can't invite your friends to your divorced mother's mansion's pool house, you are simply useless. We believe that your worth as a human being is equivalent to your net worth. There is a popular saying: "Money can't buy you happiness." Maybe, but it can definitely buy you popularity.

Step 2: Be White

If you have melanin in your skin, please just X out of the article now. You are a lost cause.

And that is the end of the tutorial. A mere two steps; it can't get much easier than that! Good luck being popular!