By Anusha Veluri |
At MHS, our goals have collectively shifted from 100s to Exemplary's. A's to E's. And our nightmares? F's to U's. No numerical values can be applied to our work, now. While this makes all evaluations more difficult for us students to understand, there are some strategies that we at The Pasquinade found to be helpful in acquiring an E. Here they are.
1. Send A DAILY E-mail To Every Teacher.
Everyone feels a little lonely during times of social distancing, and teachers are no exception! Keep your teacher virtual company with a little daily email!
"What should I say, Pasquinade?" you may be asking.
Well, you should always start with the magical phrase, "I hope this email finds you well." You can never go wrong! It's a perfect way to show genuine concern for another person. Afterward, proceed to pester your teacher about first semester grade with comments like, "What can I do to achieve 'exemplary' comments? Will you change my grade in June? Can you change my grade now? You know mother will sue you if you don't, right?" Just your typical small talk. Anyways, regardless of what is in the email, remember to send one EVERY day, and an Exemplary is sure to come your way!
2. Turn Audio AND Video OFF During Google Meets
Google meets are solely for teachers. They like to lecture with no student input. Pedagogical expert and Johns Hopkins professor Sandra Soir tells us, "Teachers view virtual participation as in interruption. It is not right for students to show signs of life during a google meet. Like, shut up."
You tell them, Ms. Sandra!
She also tells us, "If you do feel like turning your video on or unmuting, make sure either your family or pets are in the frame. Teachers like to know that you are social. Having a conversation with your family during the meet will both reassure and entertain your teachers."
Wow, Sandra! Thanks for the astute input.
3. Somehow Weave The Word "Exemplary" Into All Written Work
This is beginner's level psychology. When you write the word exemplary in your work, teachers will soon begin to associate your name with exemplary. It's so simple!
E.G: This historical event was so exemplary. The periodic table is extremely exemplary. The juxtaposition in this novel is simply exemplary. The quadratic equation is just, so—what's the word—exemplary!
4. Submit All Work At Exactly 1:01PM
No teacher likes a try-hard. Show your teachers that you are okay with making mistakes, and that you aren't caught up in the little things. Submitting all assignments on time sends the wrong message, and, honestly, it's a little obsessive. Like, chill.
Millburn, follow these easy steps, and an Exemplary is sure to come your way! Satisfactory's and U*********, be gone!