After Further Investigation, J&J Vaccine Revealed to Just Be "2 in 1 Baby Shampoo and Body Wash"

By Anusha Veluri | National News


On April 13th, the Johnson & Johnson vaccine rollout was paused, due to concerns about its side effects. About 5 recipients experienced blood clotting after receiving a dosage of the vaccine, which was a matter of grave concern to Johnson & Johnson CEO Alex Gorsky.


After pausing the rollout of the vaccine, the actual contents of the dosage were examined by third party medics, and it was on April 16th that they all discovered that the J&J vaccine was actually just shampoo.


After recovering from the shock of their discovery, scientists started to put the pieces together. Dr. Shrivasana told us, "You know, recipients of the J&J vaccine had reported a calming, pure, almost infantile odor coming from their arms, and now it all makes sense. They were smelling baby shampoo."


But doctors were still keen on finding a correlation between the shampoo and the clotting. After hours of experimentation, Dr. Wright was able to deduct that the Sodium Methyl Cocoyl Taurate found in the shampoo is what could easily cause clotting. Apparently, although the shampoo causes"No Tears," it can cause severe internal bleeding! J&J clearly has their priorities straightened out.


Here at The Pasqinade, we hope that all J&J vaccine recipients are safe and healthy, and we hope that next time you shower, you'll opt for some Dove shampoo instead.