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Due to COVID, Colleges Have Decided To End Meritocracy And Only Admit Students That They "Vibe With"

By Anusha Veluri |

The CoronaVirus has caused many complications in the 2019-2020 school year. Most schools have turned to Zoom and Google Classroom, but administrations are weary of grading assignments that students are doing from home. Colleges realize that it will be hard to get enough grades in for juniors that would accurately represent how well they did that school year. For this reason, all U.S colleges have collectively decided to not consider grades, SAT scores, or any academic achievement. Any achievement at all, for that matter. So what will they consider? Vibes!

A representative from the College Coalition of America (CCA) told us, "All colleges will conduct interviews with every single applicant. The time that our staff used to spend pouring over essays and transcripts will now be reallocated towards real interactions with students. This will give us a better idea of the students' true vibes."

Yes, vibes are very important! Nice work, CCA!

When asked how exactly colleges would evaluate 'vibes,' a CCA member (an Admissions Officer from Johns Hopkins) gave us a sample list of questions that students would be given during an interview. Here are the questions and ideal student responses.

1. Q: What is your name?

A: Ideally Rihanna or Adele. Otherwise, any name is fine.

2. Q: Who is your favorite Jonas brother?

A: Joe, he is talented, the most down to earth, and King of the North by marriage!

3. Q: How many pillows do you sleep with at night?

A: 2-4, (if more than 4, student is a literal psycho.)

4. Q: What are the best 5 Cardi B songs?

A: Trick question, there aren't any.

5. Q: What is your opinion on cereal?

A: It is fine. (Any answer that is more enthusiastic, is incorrect)

6. Q: What is your favorite Office episode?

A: Season 4 Episode 9, Dinner Party, of course! Is that even a question?

Students, read this list, practice answering random questions, and come into your college interviews with the correct vibes. Fret not, good luck and good vibes!

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