Eastern US States Secede From the Union

By Mark Hubertus |

This morning, the governors of New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island formally published their declaration of independence from the US. The full declaration can be found here: http://bitly.com/98K8eH


The document, signed by the governors of each state, cites President Trump’s “Lack of knowledge about basic biology” and his “Mindless decision to stop funding the WHO” as major grievances. On twitter, NJ governor Phil Murphy wrote, “We could no longer tolerate Mr. Trump’s countless actions endangering the lives of our citizens. As such, we felt it was right to leave.”


Naturally, president Trump had an explosive response on twitter. “These governors are the dumbest people ever! They are traitors, and they deserve every bad thing that comes their way!”


Oh, brother.


Notably, the country’s overall population as well as it’s GDP significantly dropped after the secession. Major cities such as Boston, Philadelphia, and New York were lost, and the cultural heart of the country, Millburn township, is no longer in the union.


What happens next remains to be seen.


UPDATE: As of April 17 at 2:18 p.m., the COVID-19 pact of California, Oregon, and Washington State has formally seceded from the union. The US GDP is now $11.87 trillion USD, dropping by about $10 trillion over the course of the day.


UPDATE 2: As of April 17 at 3:31 p.m., the COVID-19 pact containing Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky has formally seceded from the union. The US GDP is now $8.38 trillion dollars, dropping by about $13.5 trillion over the course of the day.


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The Pasquinade strives for truth, objectivity, and authenticity. As such, we will make sure to keep our readers updated with the most accurate information as this story unfolds.