By Stephen Cheng | Local News |
Looking to impress the girl next door? Trying to get bragging rights among your friends? Nervous you won’t have anything meaningful to write on your college application? Look no further than New Jersey’s first ever glue eating contest, hosted right here in Millburn, the state’s epicenter of glue eating! In this event, contestants try to complete three glue-eating tasks in under one hour:
Five Elmer’s glue sticks
Two cup of Ralph Wiggum’s Secret Special Paste (Flavors included)
One shot of the notorious Gorilla Glue
Contestants are scored on the basis of tasks completed and the time it took to complete each task.
What’s the reward? Besides the intrinsic pride that accompanies glue eating, those able to complete all three tasks are awarded a certified “glue eater” badge. The first place winner earns an additional lifetime supply of glue to forever commemorate this special moment.
One might ask: Why glue eating? That’s disgusting.
First of all, no, you are. Second of all, glue-eating has been a popular yet inconspicuous activity for a long time. Many people do in fact consume glue on a regular basis, be it for pleasure or for sustenance. In an anonymous survey, the Pew Research Center found that almost ⅓ of all Americans have consumed at least one cup of glue in the past 30 days. Unfortunately, while glue-eating is popular, those who do eat glue choose to keep this hobby secret for fear of ridicule. This means your siblings could be glue-eaters. Your friends could be glue eaters. Our very own government officials could be glue eaters.
But now, no longer will glue-eaters have to hide in the shadows. By hosting the first ever glue-eating contest, New Jersey not only provides an event for glue-eaters to do what they know best, but also establishes glue-eating as a positive and public norm.
So what are you waiting for? Spread the word and come on July 8th to Taylor Park to compete in this gallant glue gulping bonanza! Registration ends July 7th.
Sponsored by Elmer’s ®
Contest Organizers not responsible for any health problem resulting from contest