Florida Nobly Reopens Beaches, Taking First Steps Toward A National Recovery

By Aashna Moorjani |

The governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, has officially approved the reopening of beaches in midst of the Coronavirus pandemic. And, surprise surprise, Floridians were ecstatic, as they should be! After being quarantined for over a month, enough is enough. It’s time for Americans to begin seizing their civil liberties, aka doing whatever they want, again!


Former spring breaker and college senior Carly Black told us, “I was SO upset when our beaches closed for Spring Break. I mean, where else was I supposed to get drunk with my friends? I’m glad the state, or whatever, is finally letting us have fun. Or whatever.”


Dan Bakewell, who used to go to the beach every day before the pandemic to walk his dog, told us, “I can’t believe it took them so long to reopen these beaches! The pandemic has gone on long enough. The only way we beat it is by coming together. And what better place for us to come together than the beach?”


While some say Governor DeSantis is ignoring health guidelines, such accusations are completely unfair. After all, he did advise residents to “do it in a good way. Do it in a safe way.” If that’s not sound medical advice, we don’t know what is.


You go, Florida! The Pasquinade salutes your glowing example.