Local Woman Trains Genius Toddler to Mispronounce the Names of Racist Celebrities

By Ashley Wang | Local News |

Norma Williams is a Millburn mother with a creative way to increase her son’s wokeness. “My son Thomas is only 4 years old,” Williams says. “He can already read at a 5th grade level, but I’m teaching him another important skill that most schools ignore: social criticism. Isn’t that right, Thomas?” (She lifts up Thomas’ tweed cap to ruffle his hair.)


“Yes, mother. I can pronounce Saoirse Ronan and Benedict Cumberbatch perfectly,” he boasts. “But Canola Cabyellow is a struggle.”


Four days ago, Williams tweeted a now-viral video of Thomas reading Cabello’s name as “Commie Cabiño.” This sparked fury among Cabello’s army of fans (“Camilizers,") who made “#ThomasIsOverParty” trend worldwide. It stayed at #1 for hours, dethroned only by the announcement of Bernie Sanders terminating his presidential campaign.


When a Cabello fan politely urged Thomas to apologize, even using the word “please,” he was finally convinced to right his wrongs. In another video, Thomas stated, “I’m deeply sorry. I only stand for love and have ever stood for love and inclusivity, and my heart has never had any ounce of hate or divisiveness.”


Hmm, those words sound familiar. Might he be echoing Cabello’s infamous apology post from December? Cut Camila some slack, Thomas. We at least give her credit for using her Instagram story instead of the notes app. In any case, Cabello’s fans didn’t seem to notice, and they’ve embraced Thomas’ apology wholeheartedly.


Norma is unfazed by this Twitter drama; she continues to teach Thomas new mispronunciations daily. “We’re working on Summer Walker next,” Williams tells me. “But it’s pretty hard to find alternate ways of saying it. Do you think Sumo Walken is good?”


Sumo Walken is perfect, Ms. Norma. Thank you for your service.