Many Cities Finally Transition Into Phase 3: Blissful Ignorance And Utter Denial

By Anusha Veluri | National News |

As of yesterday, June 29th, cities all across America have collectively reached the end of Phase 2: Fatal Protest and Idiotic Antagonism. With what feels like the end of an era, comes a new beginning, Phase 3: Blissful Ignorance And Utter Denial. One that very nicely juxtaposes Phase 1: Savage Brutishness and Toilet Paper Mania.


Just yesterday, American mayors began to ease their cities into this new stage of the pandemic, which has actually proven to be quite an easy task. Families are very eager to deny, and ignore the possibility that the decision to return to life-as-usual could very likely be a murderous one. After countless interviews with American citizens, The Pasquinade began to better understand the ease with which so many citizens were able to wallow in denial.


Sally, a 31-year-old Texan living with her 62-year-old mother and her 89-year-old grandmother, had this to say: "See, it all comes down to practice. Remember when you were little, you used to 'play family,' you know, like, I'd be the dog, my friend'd be the mother, and all. Remember that? This is all just one big game of pretend, except instead of 'family' it's just, life. Life. It's a beautiful thing, really, for all of us to come together like this and pretend together. Just, beautiful," she proclaimed, tearily.


It is people like Sally who make Phase 3's implementation such a breeze for mayors, governors, all officials throughout the country. Here's to Sally, and all of her fellow deniers: You all, are what truly make America great. Thank you.