top of page

MHS Coronavirus Outbreak Traced Back to Political Handshaking

By Jack Wish |

A recent surge in Millburn coronavirus cases has confounded local scholars. Until today, even ever-vocal AP Bio students haven’t had the slightest clue as to the disease cluster’s origin. However, a cunning study has been leaked from an undisclosed source, proving that local politician Sammy Jerruto has spread the disease in his attempts to cure the sick through handshaking.

Jerruto seemed unapologetic when asked to comment: “It’s still a great day to be a Miller," he said, “Up for a game of chopsticks?”

Local students are terrified, as the politician has shaken hands with the vast majority of the student body. Looks like a bad morning and an unpleasant afternoon ahead.

bottom of page