MHS Introduces Online P.E Classes, Students Boycott

By Mark Hubertus |

Over the past week, the Millburn Athletics department introduced a variety of interactive virtual programs, including live online pilates sessions, basketball master classes, treadmill time, and resistance training tutorials.

In addition to the daily form submitted for attendance in physical education, students were now expected to attend one live session every day during school hours.


Big mistake. Huge.


According to the records kept by gym teachers, only about 2.3% of Millburn students actually attended online PE classes on any given day. Here’s what students had to say about it all:


Jill Juicero, Sophomore: “I don't have TIME to go to online gym classes! I need those precious 30 minutes to write three five-paragraph essays and to teach myself logarithms. Gosh."


Brodie Bryson, Senior: “Yeah, um, I'm in college? I don't show up to math, englihs, science, or anything. Online gym? Lol, nah."


Quelli Quelarkson, Junior: “I literally forgot that P.E existed. Like, what?”



Gym exists, guys! Silly high schoolers. Keep moving, Millburn!