Millburn Students Take Drastic Measures Amid COVID-19 Pandemic

By Anusha Veluri |


The Millburn Board of Education decided to implement distance learning on March 12th like many other schools, during this difficult time. School days have essentially become completely virtual through Google Classroom and Google Hangout. But after interviewing some Millburn high schoolers, Google was apparently not enough to recreate the enthralling MHS experience. Here are some strategies students used to feel more ~at school~:


Some students felt that the normal Millburn 'hustle and bustle' was missing in their online school environment. Kendra Dunkin, Millburn sophomore, had this to say, “I liked the rush of regular school, and online school just wasn’t doing it for me. So I had my mother install what they call an “Take Home Bell” into our house's surround speakers. Every 41 minutes, I hear that beep, and I know it’s time to get up, take a four minute walk, walk up and down the stairs, and sit down for my next class!"


Kendra isn’t the only one who misses that hustle. 68% of Millburn high schoolers claimed that they “Ask family members to push past them aggressively in 40 minute intervals” in order to recreate the typical hallway experience of a Millburner. Creative!


Rahul Patel has a different experience. Once online schooling was announced, he ran to Michael’s and bought 100 packs of scantrons. He addictively fills out bubbles on his scantrons at least 5 times a day. He claims, “Filling out bubbles is the way my hand feels most comfortable; Most natural.” He says he goes through a pack a day, but is trying to cut down. His mother, Bala Patel, said, “We may have to send him to a facility. It’s worrying, to see him like this.”


Rahul, we’re rooting for you! It’s never too late to quit!


Rahul, though, is not alone in his struggle. 76% percent of Millburn students claim to have bought scantrons after the town wide email was sent out. We spoke to a rep from Micheals, who said, “We are out of stock. Millburn kids keep coming here and asking for them. We don't HAVE them. Please. (Tearing up)”


Millburn, you’ll just have to buy scantrons elsewhere. Good luck.


Here are some other, less common measures students have taken.


61% of Millburn high schoolers ask their parents to sit in different corners of their house and act as “hallway monitors.” During lunchtime, they ask their parents to “guard the right wing, unless the student is meeting a teacher,” leaving parents confused but willing to participate. When using cellphones, students have been keeping them under a desk or table at all times, in order to “Maintain their deceitful and cunning nature.”


Wow! Millburn has quite a foxy, wily side to it! Good going!


Finally, 48% of students burn a quiche every Sunday, in an attempt to “pay respects.” Wow. This is the touching part of the Millburn student body that will always be near and dear to our hearts. Keep it up, Millburners!