Millburn Water Wars 2021: Instagram vs. Facebook

By Mark Hubertus | Local News



Recently, two completely unrelated social media pages spontaneously appeared and claimed to run the annual Water Wars competition. One of the pages, located on Instagram, is run by last year’s winners, and it claims to be the sole legitimate successor to last year’s game. On facebook, however, three people claiming to be chosen by last year’s commissioners say that their game is the only legitimate successor.


Normally, when juniors win the game, they must organize it for the next year. When seniors win, they choose a group of juniors to run it for the next year. Since last year’s game was run by juniors, normal rules would mean they are the legitimate organizers of this year’s event. However, there have been complications. The Millburn Senior Class President has displayed support for the Facebook water wars, leading many to gravitate towards their version of the event.


Over the past few days, tension has been mounting between those who support facebook and those who support instagram. Instagrammers say that their version is better because of its anti-scamming promises, its potential discounts for those who sign up early, and its ideal timing after AP exams. Facebookers claim that theirs is better because of its presidential support, its support from last year’s commissioners, and its clear, detailed rules.


As a result of the growing tensions, many Instagrammers took to the streets to protest against the “phony facebook” water wars. Outside of town hall, a crowd of about 1,000 parents and students all gathered, demanding that Mayor Prupis pass an ordinance to ban the facebook water wars.


In response, Facebookers quickly organized a counter protest across the street, calling out the “instagram imitators.” According to facebook water wars spokeswoman Melissa Shuckerberg, the only demand of the facebook protesters was to “immediately shut down the toxic and destructive Instagrammers for ruining the high schools highly coveted annual water wars tradition.”


Uh oh!


At the height of the protests, water balloons, low-pressure water hoses, and extra large slushies were fired across the street. Over the course of the five hours of protests, 12 students sustained serious injuries requiring hospitalization, and Mayor Prupis’ personal SWAT team unsuccessfully attempted multiple times to break up the riot. After realizing the school would be held liable for the protest damages, Dr. Miron sent out a legion of teachers threatening rioters with lower grades. The fighting immediately ended.


Praise Dr. Miron!


For now, Mayor Prupis has not revealed which side she endorses. Only time will tell whether Instagram or Facebook will be smiled upon in the history books.