By Corinne Quane |
It can be hard to keep up with all of the news. Everyone is extremely busy trying to get in all of their walks, meet up for zoom calls, and scout stores for toilet paper. But, no worries, The Pasquinade has got you covered! We’ve created a “Dance Moms” style pyramid for 6 of the most prominent political leaders during the COVID crisis, so that you know all you need to know.
At the bottom we have Richard Burr. Burr had information that led him to believe that the coronavirus situation would in fact be this bad. However, he lied about the severity to the public, and used his inside knowledge to pull out of stocks and save his butt. Um, hello sir? You’re a senator! You’re supposed to do what’s in your state’s best interest! You could’ve at least sent out a statewide email warning them! #Cancelled
Next we have America’s very own president, Donald Trump. Trump is next because he lied to the whole country! In March, Trump stated “I would love to have the country opened up and raring to go by Easter”. Well news flash Mr. President, it’s Easter, and no one is raring. However, Trump was ranked above Burr as he chose to follow his heart to make a particularly intense decision. The other day he refused to wear a mask as a health precaution because he “just doesn’t see that” for himself. We love a man who knows what he wants!
The third member we are placing at the bottom of the pyramid is Seema Verma. While she has been winning the publicity battle against Health and Human Services secretary Alex Azar and is now the face of #CancelCovid19 Team, she is not capable of answering questions forthright. In preparation for an expectation of an influx of COVID-19 patients, a news anchor asked Verma if hospitals had enough equipment. She avoided the question 4 times. This may fly in American politics, but not on her next history test. You can't just throw all the information you have out there, and hope that one of your sentences is what the public is looking for. Everyone knows that! Verma needs to get it together!
Moving up to the next row we have Mike Pence. Vice president Mike Pence made a bold move the other day. He called out the World Health Organization for being “so wrong” about the coronavirus situation in China. Pence continued his verbal attack saying that Trump was much more active than them in the early months of the pandemic. He even goes as far as to say that he will not let them get away with what they’ve done and they will be held accountable for their actions. Thank you for standing up for the people of America Pence! You’ve really saved us this time!
Next we have Robert Redfield. Redfield announced the exciting news the other day that we are coming to the peak of the COVID-19 outbreak! Since he is one of the only people who has given us any good news in these past couple of weeks, he is close to the top. Thank you for giving us hope! But, there’s still one person who has out done him…
And at the top of this month’s COVID-19 pyramid we have Anthony Fauci: Arguably the only person who actually knows anything about what’s going on! In an interview with Micheal Specter, Fauci explains his secret. In order to do his job to the best of his ability, he separates politics from science… literally! Every time Trump makes a claim or suggestion regarding the pandemic, Fauci completely contradicts it! Keep doing you Fauci! Your rebellion against the president is an inspiration to us all!